Sunday, April 12, 2009

The Old and the New

I was clearing and organizing my email yesterday, and I dug out quite a few memories and thoughts that were tucked away in the safe crevices of chaotic electronic folders. Suffice to say that I spent the rest of the evening drunk on nostalgia. I was a little rattled that I couldn't identify with my own writings, my own thoughts and well, the person I was 5-6 years back. It was less than a decade ago and yet there has been a surprising leap of time, thoughts, and views. If it weren't for the convincing evidence that all the emails were signed off by me and had emanated from my email address, I would have probably not been convinced as much that I was indeed the author (I still hold a 1% chance that my account was hacked!).

In college, under the auspices of a revolutionary go-getter, a group of rebellious , opinionated (or so we called) and enthusiastic people formed a yahoo group to debate on a variety of topics. The members of the group grew from young college students to include a huge gamut of members with different backgrounds, education and views. Posts were fired regularly. I wrote with passion, my arguments fueled with optimism and conviction. My thoughts reflected my utter naivete and belief that there was a tangible solution to every issue the world was plagued with. It was quite amusing and entertaining to hear me debate as if I knew everything there was to know :)

And now, I look back and pity the young girl, shrouded with idealism and insane optimism. Now reality has eroded most of that pristine optimism. Thoughts have evolved and I see myself shaking my head at the very words I penned with such unshakable conviction. Still in the "prime of my youth" I seem to have lost most of the fire in me. Is it just a natural part of growing up, or am I growing too old, too fast?

Since this blog is turning out to be a collection of all my thoughts, I thought I would include some of my "old thoughts" in here, and have a fun time arguing with myself :). It will be all the more interesting, when in the year of 2019, if my blog and I are still around, I could read my thoughts from 2004-2009 and introspect on how much more I had "evolved" :). Hopefully I'll reach a point in my life when I'll stop contradicting and arguing with myself.


SUMI said...

hey new look! the blog looks better in this new style.

I know what you mean and I have found myself in a similar situation, looking at myself in retrospect. I now often think that part of growing up is losing certainty in things. :)

Neeraja said...

Thanks Sumi! Yeah, I badly wanted to give it a makeover after years of neglect. To sort of signify the realization of the "new" me through the new template :)

Perception said...

Loved the new site, design, blog.

I completely relate to the sheer optimism and believing there is a solution out there. If I look longer eventually I'll find it. Its true as years pass, the little voice inside one's mind (a result of experience, analysis of several events and similar/disimilar decisions) tell us to think of a practical solution rather than a optimist one. Sometimes I miss that old me and often times I rebel against the new me :).

Neeraja said...

Thanks Perception :). Isn't it tiring to rebel against ourselves in addition to so many others?! We should try to make peace with us :)

SecondSight said...

As 'grown-ups', so often we end up making compromises, choosing the practical over the ideal, the 'whatever works' over the dream - When sheer idealism is replaced by realism, don't you cherish even more the few places that you can still hold those visions true?

I've enjoyed growing up and learning to treasure those things even more than I did when I took them for granted, as being the only way to live.. :)

Neeraja said...

SecondSight - That's a very positive perspective and I hope to get there soon. As of now, I still feel like a child (although "grown up") who's just realized the truth about Santa Claus :)