Reflections: Eros, Philia, Agape

I was so enamored by Rachel Swirky’s writing that I started reading another book of hers. From the title, I expected this to be another book on Greek mythology, but that was not to be! It’s a science-fiction that looks into the nature of love.

The story takes place in a time way into the future when Artificial Intelligence and Robotics have progressed to a state where one can place a customized order for an Android (down to choosing his/her body parts, brain composition, required aptitudes, interests etc.). Adriana is facing a difficult time in her life and decides to order an Android as her companion and care-taker. Lucian, the android (oh-so-similar to Endhiran ;)) arrives at Adriana’s home and slowly learns to adapt himself and his ways to Adriana’s liking. His consciousness pieces together information like an infant, his neural network strengthens and he finally achieves a level of consciousness and self-awareness to call himself as an individual, who is not merely a machine. But he still doesn’t comprehend who he truly is, and what love truly is. Is he staying with Adriana because that’s what his core system is programmed to be? Is he really in love with her? How is his love for her different than his love for roses or Nature? Is her love towards him different than his? If so, in what ways? He is riddled with all these questions and he decides to find answers to them and to his plaguing question on what is the Self, on his own terms.

Within a few pages into the book, I was pleasantly surprised and was glad to be reading it.  The question of whether machines are capable of achieving a state of consciousness which allows them to attain the self-awareness to know who they are, is a popular question that intrigues AI and Cognitive Scientists. I was impressed that within this short book, Swirsky explores a murky topic from the perspective of  a robot.  The story tackles a host of issues - is “love” or companionship meaningful if mates and companions can be custom-ordered to match our preferences? Is such a companionship long-lasting? Can humans and androids ever be companions?

I really liked the succinct approach Swirsky takes to explore these issues - nothing is overdone or underdone. The story stays together on its own and hints at the answers without the heavy, esoteric arguments which usually clog up such  topics. It was light, yet deep. Her writing was clear and insightful, but it wasn’t as beautiful or poignant as “A Memory of Wind”.

Digested thoughts: I loved the premise of an android who is custom-made as a woman’s companion, slowly evolving in his “thoughts” to wonder what love, companionship and the Self means. It is a short, but an interesting, deep read. 

Reflections: Notes to Each Other

As imperfect, fallible people, our attempts at interacting and coexisting with other less-than-perfect mortals are bound to be challenging. With the recent trend that has been bursting ample spotlight onto the nuances of relationships, exploring the institution of marriage and divorce, almost everyone around seems to know the theoretical implications of getting into a relationship and the toil it takes to make it work. Yet, despite all the cloying tiredness about the glory and pitfalls, the numerous songs, movies and dramas, the idea of love always gets misplaced. There is disillusionment, dissatisfaction, tragic revelations, torturous self-inflicted misery... all due to the denial to practically accept that no relationship is made in heaven, and the notion of romance or love is often too visceral and transient, and something that has to be uniquely established in its own way in every relationship.

Hugh and Gayle Prather married on a whim, the night of their third date. They had no signs, celestial or earthy, to encourage their matrimony. The smoke soon cleared to reveal two mismatched people desperately trying to put together a relationship. Since then, the two of them have made a steadfast commitment to stick through anything that life decided to throw at them. While writing the book, they had spent 25 years together. The relationship was no easy sail, especially with serious episodes of infidelity rocking their foundation. This book is a collection of the authors' personal scribes and notes, venting out their pain, their joy, and their insights after some of their stormy fights, arguments, discussions and revelations.

The wisdom and the insights are probably what each of us intuitively realize and have heard a million times before, but in the throes of an argument, they sneak out of our minds. Contrary to most self-help books, this book presents an informal and personal touch, with mere snippets of thoughts spilled across the pages. The words articulate thoughtful rumination... they are those precious words and serene thoughts we often wish to verbalize and implement, but fail to. We can see ourselves, our words, our thoughts, our mistakes, our lives, in the nuggets of insights. And the "secret" to make things work is as simple as being devoted and committed to a friend and companion, gently reminding ourselves to express kindness and consideration at every step along the way. But how much of an ordeal that simple sentence encompasses...

Lofty ideals of intellectual compatibility fly out of the window when the skills for basic cohabitation reduce to how we handle life and its mundane chores on an everyday basis. Quite an anticlimax for people like me. Innocuous absent-mindedness that was at one point deemed merely as funny, has the potential to brew capricious storms; all because of forgetfulness to turn-off lights and retrieve keys. While many, including me, have scoffed at the importance laid on superficial compatibility in food preferences and colors, it presents a surprisingly tough pickle when one person wants to furnish the house in mere monochromes and the other yearns for a splash of color. Trivial and materialistic, I know. But it's horrifying that despite all rational efforts, little things add up to dictate what we can live with, and what we cannot live without. Like withered and useless bits of dried leaves, these petty issues are nonchalantly cast away, only for them to lay piled up in our subconscious. And a little spark, a heedless word, a gesture, a look, is all that is needed to set the whole pile of leaves aflame. At the end of the fire, the ruins and the ashes leave scars and damages, irreparable for a long time. And a guilt-ridden epiphany comes floating to our minds, painfully pointing out that the outburst was a mere tempest in a teapot. If not for a bond of commitment that stipulates each other to wait for the dust to settle, one is prone to flee from the tempests and the fires.

Patience, kindness, forgiveness, compromise, living the present, working only on the current issues at hand, arguing in order to understand each other better and not to attack each other, expressing honest emotions, and working everyday to close the gaps between each other, and letting no other external forces dominate the bond between the two, are the basic lines of sagacity offered by the book. It gives hope and a sense of reality, and is written in lyrical and concise prose.

It pays to focus on the positives and make the best of what we can, rather than dwell on what we lack. And a committed devotion to make things work needs to be reciprocated; it should be part of a team effort. To quote my favorite lines:
Devotion is an act of heart. Devotion is the decision to look upon whoever is before me, or whatever is within my hands, with perfect thoughtfulness.

Reflections: Letter From Peking

It's a pity to realize that there are hardly any copies of this book left. Most of Pearl Buck's books are, much to my surprise and bewilderment, lost inside a literary tombstone. But I was glad that I could find a very befitting picture of the book's cover - this is exactly how I would have wished the cover to be on my borrowed copy.

The book's core doesn't stray much from Pearl Buck's much beloved theme - the east and west reaching out to love and accept each other. Elizabeth is an American ardently in love with her half-Chinese husband, Gerald. Her fervent love for Gerald made her a strong woman who was ready to rebel , leave her country and make a home in China. Following the Communist's upheaval within China, Elizabeth and her son are forced to leave Gerald and move to America. Gerald's patriotism and loyalty towards China forbids him to abandon his country - and so he remains, torn with guilt and longing for his family, and a fierce sense of duty towards his country. His occasional letters sent surreptitiously every few months remained the only vestige of hope for the family to unite, until the letters dwindled and a final one came along. The tale is about a heartrending love between two people, separated by the world, because of the races that profiled their faces and genes.

Being half-Chinese and half-American was so pitiful a state when the world tore apart and the oceans distinctly marked the two continents as different and distant. Those like Gerald and his son were stranded, befuddled on where to turn and which country to hold close to them, while both countries silently rejected and never completely accepted them. But both father and son struggle to make home in the country they choose, yielding to sacrifices they couldn't escape from. Meanwhile Elizabeth lives on hope, and nourishes her life through the deep and unending love for Gerald. The book reads on as Elizabeth's journal. It records events that are simple and plain, emotions that are deep and pure.

Pearl Buck's tales have so much realism in them that within a few pages they cease to be a story, a novel - they transform to images of real people living their realities, without embellishments, fancy twists or miracles. Elizabeth's journal captures the pain, the love, the maturity and growing wisdom of a woman cruelly separated from her husband and is left to cope with loneliness. Pearl Buck's characters always come alive from her stories and it's difficult to shake them off as fictitious. Elizabeth comes to life representing many separated and lonely women - victims of the world breaking apart.

The writing in this book is one of Pearl Buck's best. Words rustle and trickle so beautifully, capturing and reflecting on every little emotion and feeling. A simple description of the sunlight out the window, or the spring in the air... seemingly minor in detail, but so immaculately wonderful in their expression. To me, this book symbolizes Pearl Buck's literary spirit.

U? Genes? Yikes!

Eugenics -- the concept I've been pretty intrigued with lately. Eugenics is a social philosophy which advocates the improvement of human hereditary traits through various forms of intervention. [Wikipedia]

Since I was old enough to remember, I've heard my mom say, "Our ancestors weren't fools. There is a meaning behind everything." But it's only now that the ingeniousness of such ancestors is slowly dawning on me. When parents talk of the ideal "match" for their children and go about digging into details such as caste/sub caste/the complexion of the bride/the education/the "family status"/the height/the "health" of the family/"bad" habits/not wearing "specs"/long hair/... (and substitute a million other such details), it is for a REASON. And the underlying reason being, "Can my daughter and your son successfully mate with each other to produce the best possible offspring/s to carry on the proud torch of our family tree and hereditary and thus improve the overall quality of human kind?"

Crassly put, but that's the philosophy that our ancestors started with and after a while people "forgot" why, but as is our custom, continued to blindly follow them. The basic core instinct of animals is to procreate and survive - Male instinct being to procreate and the females' to nurture and help survival. It is extremely interesting to take on a more "objective and intelligent" approach to making sure evolution works right and the quality of the human race is improved through Eugenics.

Therefore, a handsome man marrying a not-so-goodlooking girl causes a serious threat to the next generation being either not good looking at all, or mediocre - this is a setback to the race that begins with this new human being. A more serious concern for us is intelligence. A smart person marrying a dumb person causes a mediocre output. Whereas if the smart married the smart the output would be super smart!! And if such a super smart guy married another such super smart girl then the output would be Super dooper smart!! And so on...



Of course I have my opinions on this match making logic again... and it's a debate many intellectuals and scientists have been having. If only the smart should marry the smart, what about us dim wits? Are they doomed cruelly because of "survival of the fittest" rule? I would think it makes more sense for smarts and dim wits to be paired so the outcome would be relatively smart, than getting a pool of super smarts and an equal pool of dim wits struggling to survive and not contributing much to the progress the "super smarts" want to make. Such a huge disparity would be much worse to progress (my belief, with not much proof for now).

That said, it's not much of a surprise when our parents try to quantify "intelligence" with academic degrees and want to match a person with equal or higher number of degrees as compared to their girl. Why is it mandatory for the groom to have an equal or better degree? This could be seen as perpetuation of patriarchal ways of society, but looking closely a better "degree" translates to a "good job", and a good job translates to ability to "bring in more food" and provide a nurturing environment (the job the male hunter). Family status is again a measure of the family's ability to provide the right nourishment, opportunities and education for the child to cultivate the traits we look for.



I wonder if we humans still act on such core instincts. In reality human relationships/marriages are intended to last much longer than just bringing in the new generation, and it wields a complicated web of emotions and needs. Making a relationship work demands a whole new set of criteria, than relying on those deemed fit for the offspring/s that are born. I choose to believe that we have evolved to a state (after all these centuries) where our concern for procreation is probably being replaced by the need for companionship.



Yet, I'm not sure if at some level, our attractions to certain types of people whom we consider as good partners are related to the essential traits we want to pass onto our kids (the core female instinct of caring for the unborn offspring). Each of us have some basic requirements for choosing our life partner. Although it's not as explicit as us thinking of a child and then validating our partner's traits, subconsciously it may have seeped in. Do those core instincts still determine such decisions... as subtle as their influence is?



For example, I suck in Maths. I am so bad at it, that all through my life it has been my greatest sorrow and disadvantage. I have always thought that being good at maths/science was a great boon, you could excel professionally and comfortably take on a well paid job, as opposed to those of us who need to struggle and get used to their technical positions. And during these challenging times, I've wished that if at all I had a kid, s/he should be smart in Mathematics.



I'm not sure if that's why I undoubtedly get impressed with people who are good at Maths/programming/Science. I don't know if it's because I'm impressed with people who can do something that I struggle to, or if it's some other common quality that is the primary reason. But it's interesting nonetheless to ponder if subconsciously we take into account both the aspect of "companionship for a life time" as well as "how effective can the next generation get."