Sunday, June 25, 2006

In Awe...

So I finally created a blog... to give some color to my life. Well, it's mainly to remind myself that my so called monotonous everyday life can be viewed through different colored glasses, and the daily events have the potential to carry enough significance to be written in my blog :). After all, how we choose to perceive things determines their impact on our lives.

It's amazing how each one of us never ceases to believe that tomorrow will surely dawn into a new day. Although we all know that nothing lasts forever and we're all here to be gone someday, we continue to see ourselves and our fond ones as being around forever. One of Kabir's dohas (couplets) which satirically pokes fun at man's presumed immortality comes to mind... (I unfortunately don't remember the words as I remember the meaning)

Time is supposed to heal and subdue livid memories, distance is supposed to wane emotional bonds... "Out of sight, out of mind", as many would say. When a person is no longer amidst you, you might miss them, feel the pain... but the combination of time and an unreachable distance (metaphorically too), is expected to be the spell to mellow down such feelings. This is an irony by itself.... most often you discover deeper and subtler feelings about someone/something only when they give you a chance to miss them.

It's only when someone dear to you is no longer with you, do you regret of all the time you lost on spending, of all the gestures you can never show, of all the care that will never reach them, of all the words they can never hear from you, of all the love they can never feel....
I know its cliched, but I never seem to learn to express myself suitably when someone is around me.

Guilt, regret and memories paint our consciousness to the extent that our imagination blurs the line between dreams and reality. The cross over between two worlds within you, in which you can feel a touch as real as the sun through the windows, hear a voice as clear as the birds outside, smell a scent as clear as the smell of your room.... and you realize that just as memories live around you, so do the spirits of your fond ones.

I woke up to an ordinary Saturday morning, and snuggled back into the mattress with a blissful and surreal realization that it was weekend, and my grandma was home :). Of course realization then sunk into me that my grandma was no longer alive to be at home with me. Deep down we all live in denials. I'm not sure what to be in awe of... the beauty of the human psyche, or the power of the human spirit...

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