Don’t make someone a priority in your life, if you are just an option in their life.
It took me years to come to terms and accept this piece of advice. But my dearest and closest, still struggle with it. I am frustrated with all the hours of talking, cajoling, and more stern-talking. I want to shake them and scream into their ears, in the hope that they will let go. But I can’t. But I can scream into one other space. This space - which is like the highest peak of the highest mountain. When I cry and scream, I have the feeling of venting to the whole world, yet I know there is no one but me in this vacant and still space. I can hear my words and screams echo down the silent spaces, but I know an ear or two will eventually pick up the ripples of sound, and I’m grateful for the mock-belief of shouting into the ears of the Universe.
Me and my dear ones have always been the “unpopular” ones, among family and friends. We try to fly under the radar, blend into the surrounding, and never make a splash. I, for one, am happy being so. That’s who I am. But trouble is, it isn’t pleasant to be ignored all the time - or most of the time. Especially when one wants to, nay craves to, share their love, affection, and hospitality with someone who has far too many adoring friends and family, that they are forced to pick and choose. When they choose, it is not us, surely not the unpopular, low-profile ones.
Trust me, I feel your angst. But you need to understand this, accept this as the way of life, and let go. It is not a reflection of your self-worth, it is not a reflection of their regard for you, nor is it a matter of hue and cry that you need to so fiercely compete over. We don’t know how to demand the spotlight on us, and it is not worth the clumsy effort of trying to. You can even bring down the moon, and I can stand by your side and help you collect all the stars, but it is still not enough - for they have already made their choice! Why such a choice, you ask, over and over again. Because their plate is too full, I keep saying.
And the more harder you try to capture it, the faster the sand slips out of your closed and strained fist, right? Does that image help?
A person once told me, when you try too hard to share your love and affection with someone who is not keen on receiving it, you descend to the state of a beggar - down on your knees begging someone to receive all the things you can offer. When ideally, the person who gives should only give to those who are willing to receive. Or even more ideally, we should give without even expecting someone to receive it, let alone reciprocate it. Expectation is the evil which ruins the value and beauty of giving. If the latter is too philosophical, stick to the former practical saying. Besides, it is not fair to demand or force your offer on anyone.
There are far too many people in the world who are in dire need of the love you can so generously offer. Channelize it their way, instead of forcing your way through the current channel, which is fortunately, already brimming and bursting! If the glass is already full, find another one to pour your love into.
Make peace, please. Spare us the agony, the unwanted negative energy. This is not a competition. Even if it were, it is not worth winning.
It took me years to come to terms and accept this piece of advice. But my dearest and closest, still struggle with it. I am frustrated with all the hours of talking, cajoling, and more stern-talking. I want to shake them and scream into their ears, in the hope that they will let go. But I can’t. But I can scream into one other space. This space - which is like the highest peak of the highest mountain. When I cry and scream, I have the feeling of venting to the whole world, yet I know there is no one but me in this vacant and still space. I can hear my words and screams echo down the silent spaces, but I know an ear or two will eventually pick up the ripples of sound, and I’m grateful for the mock-belief of shouting into the ears of the Universe.
Me and my dear ones have always been the “unpopular” ones, among family and friends. We try to fly under the radar, blend into the surrounding, and never make a splash. I, for one, am happy being so. That’s who I am. But trouble is, it isn’t pleasant to be ignored all the time - or most of the time. Especially when one wants to, nay craves to, share their love, affection, and hospitality with someone who has far too many adoring friends and family, that they are forced to pick and choose. When they choose, it is not us, surely not the unpopular, low-profile ones.
Trust me, I feel your angst. But you need to understand this, accept this as the way of life, and let go. It is not a reflection of your self-worth, it is not a reflection of their regard for you, nor is it a matter of hue and cry that you need to so fiercely compete over. We don’t know how to demand the spotlight on us, and it is not worth the clumsy effort of trying to. You can even bring down the moon, and I can stand by your side and help you collect all the stars, but it is still not enough - for they have already made their choice! Why such a choice, you ask, over and over again. Because their plate is too full, I keep saying.
And the more harder you try to capture it, the faster the sand slips out of your closed and strained fist, right? Does that image help?
A person once told me, when you try too hard to share your love and affection with someone who is not keen on receiving it, you descend to the state of a beggar - down on your knees begging someone to receive all the things you can offer. When ideally, the person who gives should only give to those who are willing to receive. Or even more ideally, we should give without even expecting someone to receive it, let alone reciprocate it. Expectation is the evil which ruins the value and beauty of giving. If the latter is too philosophical, stick to the former practical saying. Besides, it is not fair to demand or force your offer on anyone.
There are far too many people in the world who are in dire need of the love you can so generously offer. Channelize it their way, instead of forcing your way through the current channel, which is fortunately, already brimming and bursting! If the glass is already full, find another one to pour your love into.
Make peace, please. Spare us the agony, the unwanted negative energy. This is not a competition. Even if it were, it is not worth winning.
7 comments:
love the post. feel for it, agree with it...
I really like the strongly phrased, crystal clear posts like this one ;). If only you could voice these thoughts just as simply and clearly in real life AND be heard!
Agree with you completely, I think most people end up doing this one way or the other- guess it's a question of which insecurities they want to assuage.
Well, like Tolkien said 'all that is gold does not glitter', and too few people recognize gold that does not glitter... Yes, like you said, its far more worthwhile to invest energy on those who care...
"We try to fly under the radar, blend into the surrounding, and never make a splash." ... Beautiful line!
"But trouble is, it isn’t pleasant to be ignored all the time - or most of the time." ... I'm sorry for them who ignore, coz they've ignored such beautiful minds - yours and I can guess the same about the ones who you hold dear!
"And the more harder you try to capture it, the faster the sand slips out of your closed and strained fist.." Very true, yet its sometimes so hard to let go. It takes strength, I hope they can find the strength.
"Expectation is the evil which ruins the value and beauty of giving." .. such a pearl of wisdom!
"There are far too many people in the world who are in dire need of the love you can so generously offer." ... Yes, and when you start doing this, you begin to see the real beauty in giving, for your love is received and you will see it help nurture that someone's spirit and life.
If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, its yours. If it doesn't, it never was!
Thanks a lot Sumi!
SecondSight - Thank you, yeah it all boils down to insecurities!
Karthik, thanks! But we can't call ourselves gold, you're far too kind :).
Thank you very much Anonymous, for your kind and insightful words! I wish I could transfer this realization and strength onto those who need it!
"Don't make someone a priority .... " This has been my Yahoo mail tag line for quite sometime now. When I first put it as my tag line, I was angry about a similar situation. When I chanced upon this line, it made such an impression upon me, that with a great amount of anger, and "let me teach that person a lesson" kind of feeling, I decided that would be my tag line to remind me that if I understood/followed this, I would never be unhappy! :) I realize that there has been a lot of times that I have turned a blind eye to people who are ready to shower all their time and love on me, and have completely wasted time on those who are the exact opposite, just to be rudely shaken back into the reality of it all. Well, I am still learning, and making conscious efforts to follow the tag line. And I absolutely agree with you on this one.
Aparna, yeah I remember seeing it as your status message now :). We all keep learning... it's easier to state these things when we are on the unpleasant side of things. I hope I pay as much attention and care to others' who truly are genuine...
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